Discipline

Its lunch at work and I'm wanting to go home.  Right now, I'm all motivated thinking "Oooh, when I get home, I'll get a good, quick workout in before supper.  It'll be awesome."

Yet, I know that as soon as I get in my car to drive home, that desire will wane.  I'll think how easy it would be to just get home and relax, not do anything productive. 

Its Friday, you're still sore from the previous 2 days, you can do more on Saturday.

My brain has an unlimited supply of excuses to do nothing but sit on my ass and veg.  I'm working on training my brain, but its tough.  Its always been tough for me.

Throughout my life even things I really love its been hard for me to stick with them for extended periods of time. I dive in whole hog, go like mad for a bit, then get distracted, burnt out, or hit a hard spot and quit.

(That's a personal motto of mine, "When the going gets tough, quit!")

There's a variety of reasons for this.  Some of them are even legit.  Most are just excuses though.  

I keep saying I want to focus on some things in my life and get good at them.  

Writing, I love to write.  You'll see bits of my fiction tossed up here from time to time.  (Usually just written in one sitting with minor editing to use as story generators later on.)  

Guitar, I love music.  I have little natural aptitude for guitar, but I could be much better than I am if I just stuck with practicing and improving.  

And then the one that so many Americans say, "Get in shape."

Its just difficult for me to force myself to have the discipline to do these things on a regular, ongoing basis.  Partly because there is no real negative for me not doing them.  Nothing more than "oh, I didn't complete something again."   That's been par for the course since I was a kid, it doesn't phase me.

Laziness certainly plays a part in this.  As does perfectionism in a weird way.  I can't live up to the arbitrary high standard I set for myself, so why even try?  

Stupid? Yup.

Simple to change?  Ugh, not so much.  

On Being Neurotic: Work

If I post enough, you'll quickly learn I'm moderately neurotic.   Now, that doesn't make me special, I'm convinced most people are, its more in how we deal with it.  

But, I am.  My head is a constant cacophony of self-doubt, pretty much all the time.  Its fun.

Anyway, I work as a wage slave in a Ford dealer's parts department.  If you need parts for your Ford, hit me up.  Yes, I'm serious on this, I'll hook you up with as good a deal as I can.

I had been driving and working the counter when not in the truck.  Hourly pay + commission off total parts gross.  I had no complaints about anything really.

However, my buddy decided to leave.  Long story, old boss got fired, new boss has little clue what he's doing, got lied to, er, promised, as good a deal at a new place.  Sucks, BUT I got to take his spot.

Now, I'm counter full time working first of all with our body shop, next with our techs, then with wholesale and retail customers.

Pay is now salary + commission off gross of what I sell.  So, now the pressure isn't just to try and make the department money, its to make ME money, which makes the department money.

Now, I work next to a veteran guy.  Been in the biz for years.  Knows his stuff.  Is also completely burnt out.  (Works about 70 hours a week between his two jobs.  He's like 62.  Totally burnt out.)

So, when the techs come to the counter, seriously, this is something I obsess about, I worry that I try and help them too fast.

Yes, I worry I am being TOO helpful at my job.

I don't want to look like I'm just being greedy.  But if I'm not doing anything more than reading the news, or on GAB or something, I'm not going to finish that before I help someone who's 1) trying to make money for themselves and 2) can potentially make me money.

But seriously, this is something that concerns me.  I don't want my coworker to think I'm just grabbing all the money.  I also don't think the techs should stand there waiting on us to finish reading our article before we help them.

I'm digging my new spot for the most part, but I really hope I can find a balance here.  I purposely am "slow" on helping the guys sometimes just to make sure he gets some extra shots.

I know its not my place to worry about him, but I'd prefer to keep things harmonious.

Ah well.   I'll just be happy when my first commission check shows up next month.